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Courtesy Matt Schorr| Clarksville Leaf-Chronicle

Not long ago, I started collecting some of the more amusing and/or interesting quotes from my 5-year-old son.

They cover a wide range of topics, from flatulence (being a little boy, he covers that a lot), superheroes and ghosts to the sometimes truly strange. Usually, these quotes are rather mundane, like, I was just doing two farts or I burped a little bit. Others are bit more … lets say … odd: Why is there a monster hand in the toilet?

Ive reread these quotes several times, even pondered them. Is he secretly a genius, harboring deep thoughts beneath the chaotic pinball machine that is a little boys brain? Do statements like Let your brain go down, and then when it does, itll go all the way up to your head have some deep, inner meaning thatGhandi, Socrates and Confucius would have to consider?

Does Fine, Daddy, Ill take my foot off illustrate some subtle truth about the human condition?

Or are these just a random tapestry of consciousness, with no rhyme, no reason, no explanation?And, if so, is he amodern dayNietzsche?

Sometimes, hell throw me into a panic, like the time he informed me there was a turkey in the toilet. I knew, of course, no such bird entered our house, so there could be no literal fowl trapped in the bathroom. We did, however, have cold cuts stored in the refrigerator, notto mention any number of objects in the house he might equatewitha turkey.

So, I ran to the bathroom and checked, but as you might expect, the toilet was empty.

Also, the cold cuts were fine.

To this day, I have no idea where that statement came from. Television? YouTube? Toys? Or was it the result of thataforementioned pinballmachine of human consciousness?

Last week, he revealed to me the scariest name in the world. That name wasnt Freddy Krueger or Charles Manson. It wasnt even something corporeal like Beelzebub. No, the scariest name in the world and be sure to write this down, as Im sure this is crucial information is HuggieWuggie.

Ive no idea what this ironically named beast is, but it sounds awful.

Most times, I just write these statements down for posterity. I dont engage them at all, just let them exist in the ether.

Sometimes, though, I cant help myself.

Cold water, Callum told meone morning, is warm.

Are you sure? I asked.

He nodded. Yes.

Wouldnt cold water be, you know, cold?

Callum shook his head.

SoI shrugged and added that to the list. Perhaps someday we can publish these. If George Carlin could write a book called Brain Droppings, surely theres a market for these gems.

Reach Matt Schorr atmattschorr@hotmail.com, on Twitter at @themattschorr and on Instagram at @theschorr. His website iswww.mattschorr.net.

See the article here:
The Hard Way: Taking a trip through the wonderful mind of Callum Schorr - The Leaf-Chronicle